I’m completely stunned. Today I found out that one of my dear friends decided to end his life. It has been 6 weeks since Robby decided that his life was not bearable anymore, and instead of continuing to live and fight, he decided to end his life while he could still remember the good times.

Robby was one of those brilliant minds you get the privilege to meet maybe once in your life. I don’t know much about his earlier years, but I do know that he never made it past getting his undergraduate degree. He started working for Wolfram Research after his university, and by the time I had the privilege to be able to call myself a friend of his, he was learning from some of the best minds in the industry. He was always very humble, wanting very much to be part of the kernel development group, not realizing that his mind was destined for much greater things than a dealing with a simple algebra engine.

Unfortunately, Robby suffered from being able to use more of his brain than most people on this earth. As I see it, when he understood something, after a long battle, his mind lit up. He was literally buzzing, his creative genius flowing and producing some of the most beautiful Mathematica code I’ve seen. I’ve never seen him boastful, loud, angry, or in any way mean. His curiosity for life was evident, even while he was battling depression, insomnia, and later in his life anxiety. As one insomniac to another, he and I spent many a night, working late, and discussing the finer points of life, love, and women. I fondly remember his undying love for any movie with Gong Li in it. Just the other day, while browsing through my favourite movie store, I made a comment to one of the movie store employees showing me a movie to watch, that Robby would be all over it (because Gong Li was in it). Today I find out he’s with us no more.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Robby to make that decision. How hard it must have been for him to not realize that the dullness he spoke about is part of what comes with age for someone that has a brilliant and completely engaged mind as his was. Loosing your “edge”, not being able to function at that completely engulfed level, not being able to reach that enlightenment plateau as easily or readily anymore, that is hard. Most of the people on this earth are dull. Their minds are barely used, their life is wasted. Yet they don’t realize this, because they’ve never experienced the complete elation and wonder that is of being able to have your whole mind light up. To be able to comprehend the beauty in both the complexity and completeness of some domain specific problem. Robby’s opus was his ability to understand both discrete mathematics, and his ability to see beauty in nature.

I don’t have any trouble understanding why he made the choice he did. I’ve been down that same path more than once. What I have trouble understanding is why this world would let conditions exist for a brilliant mind like Robby’s to expire so soon. Why create “muggle brains” on this earth, minions that exist for the sole purpose to go from day to day without being able to use and engage their brains? Dull minds to go on for years and years, but for the bright stars, the ones that taste the essence of life, search for beauty, and yearn for enlightenment, they get snuffed out in such a short time. As someone said, a candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. Unfortunately, in Robby’s case that is all too true.

Robby, I will miss you. Rest in peace, and may your mind and soul find the peace and enlightenment you were seeking so hard, on the other side.